The Angel and the Warrior
by Shadsie
Summary: A tale of Rem's past, Alex, and events leading up to Project SEEDS.
1. Sound Life

Disclaimer:  Trigun, nope, I don't own it, never have, but I'm not only poor, I'm in debt, so anybody who wants to sue me is going to get what is in my pockets and that is lint. 

Additional:  Rem's aunt…um…I apologize ahead of time if I misspell the word or it shouldn't have an accent…I was trying to remember my Spanish and lost my Spanish-English dictionary and am kicking myself for it. Gotta be in my bedroom here somewhere… 

THE ANGEL AND THE WARRIOR 

Chapter 1 

"More coffee, Mr. Burnside?" 

"No, Rem, I'm fine.  You may go now."

I wanted to scream at the pudgy, balding man in front of me, sitting at his desk all smug and superior.  I did not know how much more I could take.  Coffee…coffee!  That's all Mr. Burnside ever had me do; dictate letters, simple filing, and getting him coffee.  Sure, I was the newest intern at the America Daily, but I was capable of much more than fetching coffee!  

My life had been out of control lately.  This summer things were only a little more stable than they had been.  I decided to change majors last semester – for the fifth time.  I wanted to be reporter this time, work for a newspaper, cover national and world events.   I was going to need a lot more school before ever reaching that, and had gotten this internship by sheer luck and by skills learned through the pursuit of previous majors.  The worst part about this summer was that I was living with my parents and younger brother and heard from Daddy every day about how the money he was paying for my college education was going down the toilet and me deciding on something and getting my life together.

My workday was over and I decided to take a detour before going home.  I looked down the city streets, bathed in twilight.  This was my favorite time of the day, though it filled me with a sadness.  At sunset, I felt as though the struggles and strife of a day were finally at their end, yet that all the potential of the day was lost, and that all the happy times of the day were fading away into the recesses of memory.  

The sunset was blazing, painting the streets, the cars, the buildings, and wandering pedestrians a bloody red color.  The western horizon held a great beauty, but I knew why the sunsets here were so dark: air pollution.  My aunt Fé told me stories about when she was a child…that the sunsets were not as colorful back then, and there were fewer crowds, and about a river her father used to take her fishing at that is now devoid of all life.   The environment – globally- was in a crisis not known since the late 1970s.  In the late 1980s and 1990s, some cleanup had occurred, but the land, sea, and the air, nonetheless, and grown progressively less healthy.  What had saved us in recent decades were the Plants.  

The Plants were a technology developed by the United States, a purely clean-burning form of energy.  Few people outside government technicians knew exactly how they worked, and it was a close guarded secret, kept from the public in the interest of national security.  Most of Europe was using the Plants in the last decade, as well, but many other countries did not have them, and tensions between them and the western world had been building for some time.  

Despite the Plants, the Earth was still becoming increasingly hostile to life.  Hundreds of species had met extinction since the turn of the millenium and people were dying at much younger ages than they did in aunt Fé's childhood, mostly from various forms of cancer. There was talk of a project by NASA, a fleet of starships to carry people and animals through space until a planet hospitable to earthly life could be found.  There were already people signing up to be considered for cryogenic freezing in preparation for the journey, and a few solar systems found to have planets were set to be explored, though none knew of if these were conducive to life yet.   Many people held out hope for the Earth.  Others didn't, and some just wanted the chance to explore other worlds, to satiate a wanderlust or perhaps just to escape the world they had known. I could relate. 

A little black cat ran across the street in front of me, causing a car to swerve.  The driver shook his fist out of the window and shouted an expletive.  The cat sat on the other side of the street nonchalantly and licked its hind paw, almost a gesture of defiance, though I knew not whether cats could experience that emotion or not.  

The street was clear and I crossed.  I reached out to the cat to try to pet it, but it just stared at me with wide green eyes and ran off.  The Springfield Cemetery was just a block and a half away.  I started singing softly to myself, an old song that Aunt Fé used to sing to me as a child.  

"So…on the first evening a pebble from somewhere out of nowhere drops upon the dreaming world… 

_So…on the second celestial evening, all the children of their pebbles joined hands and composed a waltz…_

_Sound life…"_

She said it was an old folk song and unlike many of the other songs that she sang, she only knew it in English and, strangely enough, in Japanese, and not her native Spanish.  She sang it when working in the garden, when singing my brothers and I to sleep as babies…she said it came into her mind whenever she was happy…or very sad.  

My feet crunched dead leaves as I came to the eastern edge of the cemetery, reading the names on the headstones as I went.  I came to the one I was looking for and stood before the grave.  Vash Saverem, my little brother.  

He had died when he was only eight years old, from a rare form of leukemia.  I don't remember much from those days, except watching him waste away and my aunt rocking me back and forth in an embrace singing "Sound Life" at the funeral.  I suppose my mind chose not to recollect those days in great detail, as the mind does sometimes when grief is too great to bear.  I remembered Vash's bright smile, his laugh, and his generous heart.  My poor youngest brother, Knives, never truly got to know him, being two years old when Vash died.  

Knives was in high school now, a sophomore.  He was really into skateboarding and liked to gel his hair in short black spikes.  He had a very cocky attitude and Daddy told him that he'd never amount to much, but I believed otherwise.  

I ran my index finger along the "V" of Vash's name carved into the headstone, tracing the bold serifs.  Mom and dad had a penchant for unusual names.  My own full given name was Remembrance, which they chose for its depth and beauty and because they knew no one with that name.  Vash was originally going to be Ashton, then just Ash, but my father decided that it was too common and decided to add the V.  Knives, perhaps, had the most interesting name of all. Whenever people heard it, they thought it was a nickname and not his true given name.  The story went, as I was too young when he was born to remember it, our parents had not decided on a name for him.  When holding him in her arms just after his birth, my mother said that his bright blue eyes pierced into her inmost soul like knives, and thus "Knives" was what he was dubbed.  

I left the cemetery and walked to the freeway overpass nearby.  I stood there, thinking, for the longest time.  The wind whipped about me, cool and comforting.  When I was a kid, certain classmates of mine would come here and spit, aiming for the windshields of the passing cars below.  Sometimes they would spit gum or drop tomatoes.  These were the same people who used to make fun of me – mostly for my name.  "Rem" was a common insult, short for "remedial", but the kids insulted me even when I insisted on being called Remembrance.  

I spread my arms out, pretending they were wings and that I was a bird.  I wondered, if I truly wished it, if I could fly.  I wanted to leave everything behind; to fly into the sunset darkened sky, above the city and the world.  I wanted to be like a hawk, soaring above a desert vista, free from grief and without troubles.  Before I realized what I was doing, I lifted one foot and placed it on the ledge of the overpass, then stepped fully up on it.  There was a way I could fly…was it so far down?  Was I ready for eternity? 

 I had always been taught that life was sacred.  My aunt Fé especially believed this.  She wouldn't even kill the little spiders she sometimes found in her home, instead she would cup them in her hands or take a cup from the kitchen cupboard to capture them with and place them out in her garden.  Once staying at her house I was left alone while she was across the street talking to the neighbors.  I found a huge spider which I thought was a tarantula… Too scared to try to handle the thing like Fé did, I put a paper cup over it, taped the rim to the floor, and labeled it "Spider" with a crayon for my aunt to deal with when she got back…But here, I'm rambling again… 

Life was a precious gift never to be wasted, that is what I was always told.  Still, I had trouble believing that my life was worth very much.  Here I was, a confused person, not sure what to do with her gift of life, a disappointment to her parents and afraid of the future.  Eternity did not scare me, but what was between now and then.  I wondered if it was so wrong for me to just fly away…to no longer be a burden.  

"Hey, lady!  Step down from there!  Please!" a voice behind me cried.  I turned around.  

"Please!  Whatever it is…it's not worth it!"  the young man stood there, desperation in his eyes.  He was wearing camouflage; "U.S. Air Force" was emblazoned in blue above one of his shirt pockets and "SSgt Thatcher" above the other.  He was obviously from the base, probably going to his off-base home after work.  He was tall and blond.  He had unusual hair: it was spiky and stood off his head like a broom, and it was longer than the hair of most military men I saw, who generally were shaved to baldness or near-baldness.

He reached out to me.  I stepped down from the ledge.  "Why should you care so much about me?" I asked, "You don't even know me."  

"I don't like to see lives wasted."  He said.  "I see here a beautiful young woman about to throw her life away.  Let me help you…I can take you somewhere…or just listen, if you'd like.  Tell me, what makes you want to jump off this bridge?"  

I stepped closer to him.  He took my hands in his, gently.  Tears welled up in my eyes and streamed down my cheeks.  

"I suppose I should introduce myself," he said.  "My name is Alex Thatcher."  

END CHAPTER 1  

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

More coming, though I plan to work at a leisurely pace, so it might be a while before there is a next chapter.  I have been busy with college final projects…and as I am about to graduate, I need to look for work and all that good stuff.  Also, it is good for me to let the plans I have in mind for this story to sit a while and for those plot-ideas to gather more detailed ideas to themselves.  Special thanks to Naomi Athena and to Jammer – who actually did that to a spider once.  

Lady Shadowcat out, Love and Peace!  


	2. Nova

Disclaimer: See top of Chapter 1.   
  
Notes: It has been a while between this chapter and the last, but I did warn that I was taking a leisurely pace with this fanfiction. I am out of college and...ironically, I now work for a newspaper. (Those who remember the last chapter should recall that Rem was an intern for a newspaper). However, my newspaper is a lot smaller operation than hers (small town paper) and I don't do journalism, I do advertising design and layout. I love my job, it's cool. It's just that, in this story, I've been drawing on myself and some of my own life experiences to write - and I gave her this internship before I got my job and I find it rather odd that I wrote that and now work for a newspaper... Though it's not at all important to this chapter of the story.   
  
I also ask readers to revisit the first chapter, if nothing else than to remember that the "Vash" and "Knives" that I refer to in this chapter aren't the ones from the Trigun anime, but Rem's brothers in my fanfiction. Don't worry the Vash and Knives that we all know are coming.   
  
Minor Spoiler Warning: No, not for Trigun. Strangely enough, for "Star Wars, Episode II". Don't ask.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
THE ANGEL AND THE WARRIOR  
  
  
Chapter 2   
  
  
  
"So I joined up. Never finished my degree, though, too busy with my work. A good career option - in peacetime."   
  
I listened eagerly to Alex tell me of his occupation. It was the least I could do after telling him practically my life story and all about my family - from poor little Vash to Tia Fé... breaking down crying periodically. I swear I was such an idiot.   
  
We sat at a windowside table of a coffee shop called Jittery Jackson's. We both had been nursing cappuccinos since around 6pm and now the ornate brass hands of the shop's clock pointed at 15 'till 10. I stared at his face through the steam rising from my mug. It was a soft, clean-shaven face, strong chin, with strange blue-almost-violet eyes.   
  
"The Air Force has been good to me, I enjoy my work," he said, "got up to Staff Sergeant from Airman First Class after all, may stick with it, but I can't help but think I'm in the wrong profession." He stared intently with those deep eyes. "I remember telling my recruiter that I didn't think I could take a gun and shoot anybody...heh, I haven't fired a gun since basic training. So, you see, we're not that different from each other. We're both confused about our life paths."   
  
I smiled at Alex and cupped my hand over his on the table. He had been describing his position at Thornton Air Force Base as a Plant engineer. He was one of the maintenance crew. He monitored energy output levels, managed the coolant systems, and did complicated repairs on the containment unit when it got damaged - so he said. He kept calling it "her", like many men do with their cars. I never liked that - when men treated their machines like they were people, particularly when they assigned them the female gender. Something about it struck me as degrading to real women. I never called my little cherry-red Fitzroy a "him".   
  
Alex told me that he and his fellow engineers had named the Thornton Plant "Nova". I didn't think of that as so bad. All the computers at the America Daily had been given cute nicknames for networking and organizational purposes.   
  
"It's getting late," he muttered, "would you like me to walk you home? I mean, I assume you live around here and a lady should never go unescorted in this city at this time of night."  
  
"Thank you," I said and accepted his offer. Though I had just met the man, I found something about him I could trust. He had a manner about him, perhaps even an aura, that told me that he was an individual of good intentions. We exchanged phone numbers before he walked me down the lighted streets. I entered my parent's house quietly. As far as they and I were concerned, I only slept there and I often returned home at all hours of the night - usually from late shifts at work or late classes at college.   
  
I stopped short and stifled a small cry when I saw Knives sitting on the couch. "What are you doing awake?" I asked. It was past midnight and he was not usually up around this time. Knives was as much a morning person as I was a night owl.   
  
He looked up from the comic book he was reading by lamplight and smiled slyly at me. I took a quick glance to see what one it was this time. He collected reproductions of old comics from the turn of the millenium, in particular one about a warrior in a post-apocalyptic American Southwest that was rather gory and another, even more disturbing comic following the adventures of a homicidal maniac. I wondered how he could read the things without getting creeped out...so much emphasis on death.   
  
"Sooo..." Knives began, "I saw a guy bring you home. Didja score?"   
  
"KNIVES!" I yelped.   
  
"Heh, sis, you're such a prude! C'mon, you can tell me."  
  
"I'll tell ya when you're older." I teased, rubbing his spiky black hair until it was thoroughly messed up. "I met him, we talked, went to a coffee shop, that's it."   
  
"What's his name?" Knives prodded.   
  
"Alex Thatcher." I said with a sigh. Why was I doing this? If I had a mirror, I was certain that I'd see myself blushing. Why was I acting like a giddy schoolgirl? I had only met the man several hours ago.   
  
"He has great taste in hair." Knives quipped, running his fingers through his own black spikes, preening them back to their pristine state.   
  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
  
Alex called me the next day. I realized what a dork I must have been and apologized profusely for dumping my life's problems on him. He told me not to worry about it and asked me if I was a fan of old movies...  
  
I was a huge "Star Wars" fan. So was Alex. The Pegasus Court Theater was showing a marathon of the six complete films in their old, non-holographic enhanced versions. Non-holo theaters were a rarity and Alex and I agreed that old-style was the only way to truly appreciate these movies.   
  
Old science-fiction...a few of the technologies in the films had come to pass since they were made. Alex pointed at the screen and made comments about the Empire's little flying spy droids - how strikingly similar the design was to what the ones the U.S. Military was using now. One of my uncles had a prosthetic arm like the one Anikin Skywalker got at the end of Episode II.   
  
The marathon was running in blocks of three movies a day for two days, and even halved, the marathon was not for those who get eyestrain easily. In the darkened theater, Alex put his arm around and I let him. He pulled me close to him.   
  
"I was afraid you'd think I was a geek for even suggesting this," he said.  
  
"Not at all," I replied. "I love watching Yoda kick butt."  
  
He laughed. "Not much of a first date, I think...you really deserve more...class...dinner and dancing I suppose. I really like you, Rem, and I hope...that I'm not taking things too fast."   
  
I shifted closer to him. "Don't worry so much," I whispered, "You're very anxious. Thanks to you I'm starting to see a little hope for myself." Then, I changed the conversation topic. "Do you suppose a planet like Tatooine might actually exist out there? Lucas made it so barren...can you imagine a whole planet a desert? And two suns? How would a solar system like that work?"  
  
"I suppose there might be," said Alex. "NASA claims to have discovered a couple of solar systems with twin and triple suns through telescoping and such. Don't know what the planets around them are like, though, or even if they'd be able to support life, though they say that some of them are possible prospects for that Project SEEDS."   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
  
Three months passed in glory and love. My life was changing, thanks to Alex. We did the simplest things together, but the simplest things are often the most profound. Little things, talking, standing on the overpass where we met watching the sunset, meeting me randomly at college after classes when I started the Fall semester, even the fact that he remembered my favorite flowers - made me feel so special.   
  
He even brought my Aunt Fé a bouquet when I introduced her to him. My love for red geraniums was definitely inspired by Fé. A love of flowers was deeply rooted in the culture of Old Mexico as part of a love for beauty and life. Red, too, was a significant color to her and then to me. It was the color of passion, of courage and determination. It was a life color, a love color, a sacrifice color.   
  
Alex and I did a lot of those stupid little lover things; kissing frequently, "Eskimo" kissing, holding hands whenever we walked anywhere...we even gave each other ridiculous nicknames. I called him "Bear" because of his strength. He called me his "Dream-Girl", a play on my name, R.E.M. being the sleep-state.  
  
One night he invited me into his bedroom. I declined. We agreed to abstain until marriage or at least until a later date. I...was afraid of becoming pregnant. I knew that Alex would be there for me whatever happened, but I just wasn't ready for the possibility of children. I knew that I could not afford to raise a child properly at the time, and I just didn't think that I was emotionally ready for it. I did not think of myself as a very responsible person. Alex respected my wishes - something that I had not come to expect of most men, but that was part of what made Alex special.   
  
Then there was the night that changed my perception of the world forever. Alex got me a base pass and gave me a little tour. Then, after-hours he sneaked me into the base's Plant.   
  
"Alex, maybe we shouldn't," I said, climbing after him down a concrete stairwell, "Can't you be court marshaled for this?"   
  
"Court marshaled?" he laughed, "Oh, no - a mark on my record, extra duties, docked pay...for a minor security infraction - nothing more than that. After all, you're a loyal American, unless you are a Chinese spy and neglected to tell me all this time."  
  
I laughed nervously.   
  
I felt dubious about this whole thing, though Alex said he wouldn't be revealing any profound secrets bearing on the Plant's structure or national security. He couldn't because he himself did not have the security clearance to know very much. When we reached the floor of the stairwell I felt like I was going to faint. The vast underground chamber, walled in concrete and steel, was bathed in the brightest light I had ever seen save the sun.   
  
I stared up at the enormous belly of the great glass light bulb. Alex thrust his arm forth.   
  
"Rem, meet Nova!"  
  
I approached the bulb.  
  
"Containment unit." Alex explained. "I'm sure you've seen them above ground...in some cities."   
  
"But so few cities have them." I replied, "And I've never seen any of them this close. The glass is to contain the energy, right? The atomic reactions?"   
  
"Not...quite," he told me. Then - I saw her. My heart rate rose. I didn't know what to do. My first instinct was to run, but I found my muscles frozen. Eyes stared at me from behind the glass; eyes set in a human face. What looked like deformed wings and viney tendrils flowed all around her. Flowed - it is the only word I can find to describe it.  
  
"They're alive, Rem." Alex said with a broad smile. "I didn't believe it either until I saw it for myself."  
  
"What are they?" I asked. I was shocked. Nova, though strange with all of her feathery appendages and white-light glow, looked human...like a woman or some kind of angel.   
  
"Us." Alex stated, "But a species apart."   
  
I placed my palms upon the glass. Nova mimicked me, her palms against mine from behind the thick transparent wall. I felt a warmth flow through me, something like an electric current running through my veins, but nothing painful - more like a benevolent energy.   
  
"They began as an accident." Alex sighed. "Fifty-six years ago there was a medical experiment. I'm kept from knowing all the details of it; the information has not all be declassified. All I know was that there was an experimental treatment for terminal cancer, that it involved radiation, but a different kind than what is used in chemotherapy. Something unexpected happened to the test subjects - who became the parents of the creatures we now call the Plants." Alex shook his head and sighed. "After the initial incident some say the people were purposefully manipulated. I'm not sure anyone knows the whole story anymore - it is all buried in secrets."  
  
"This is awful!" I exclaimed, "We are using living, intelligent beings for energy! We've got them...imprisoned! I know they've helped saved us but this is just not right!"   
  
"Rem, please, calm down!" Alex cried, fear and sorrow evident I his eyes. "It is okay, they don't mind, they really don't. They cannot live any other way. The containment units are shelters for them, without which they would die. They wish to live in harmony with us, to nurture us as we nurture them. Nova will tell you. Go ahead, let her speak to you."   
  
I felt something like a mild static electricity flow into my head...it felt like buzzing, but was soft and un-intrusive. Nova smiled at me. "Dream...girl..." she said to me, but without speaking vocally. Her voice was inside my head. "You're Dream-Girl, aren't you?"   
  
"I...I guess so," I said aloud.   
  
"I've heard of you..." Nova continued. "You are afraid, aren't you?"   
  
"N-no." I stuttered.  
  
"You are. Don't be. I will not hurt you. And, no, I am not hurt. Your concept of 'freedom' puzzles me. You think I am not free? Do not worry. You care...a lot. Be careful that your heart does not lead you to pain."   
  
  
  
To be continued...   
  
  
Lady Shadowcat, 2002.   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
  
I have not read the Trigun manga and people I know who have seem to be themselves confused on the origin of the Plants. I'm working with the anime universe, so I figure that my guess about their origins is as good as anyone's.   
  
Kudos to you if you get the comic references, especially because one of them is not a commercially published comic, but my own! A little bit of authorservice, gwahahahaha.   
  
This story will probably have only 2 more chapters. Stay tuned. 


	3. War

Answering questions presented me on the last chapter: A "Fitzroy" is indeed, a futuristic car. To my knowledge the Fitzroy Auto Company does not exist, it was just a name I made up, like Ford or Chevy. My comics references were to "Johnny the Homicidal Maniac" (which I have read very little of), and to my own strange post-apocalyptic fantasy, "Paper Eagles", which can be found here http://www.quarmagnus.virtue.nu for anyone interested. They were the comics Knives Saverem was reading on the couch. The hair thing was in reference to Alex (remember, Rem gave Vash the dude's hair!). As for chapters, this thing is probably going to be 5 or 6 chapters now. I'm realizing that I need to flesh out some things before the end chapter.   
  
Additional notes: The war...this fanfic is not meant to be in any way against people of Chinese decent. I simply chose China as the enemy country because of the government's dubious record thus far concerning human rights, which I'm assuming for this fic has continued into the semi-near future. When people refer to "the Chinese" they are referring to the government, not all the people. It is much like the common referring to the "Iraqis" as the enemy during the Gulf War...speaking about the government and the military personnel, rather than the civilian people as enemies.   
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Trigun. I make no money from this. Ya happy? Please don't sue me, powers that be! I plan to be a nice person who lets and even encourages fanfiction of her original stuff if it ever gets out there. Free expression rocks.   
  
  
  
THE ANGEL AND THE WARRIOR  
  
Chapter 3   
  
  
I don't think anyone knows exactly how the war started. An American diplomat and his associates had been captured by the Chinese government and were essentially held for ransom for access to Plant technology - which the American government was unwilling to give for a variety of reasons. The news came sketchy. The negotiations broke down and our diplomats were assassinated. Several of our overseas military bases and aircraft carriers were attacked.   
  
In the midst of all this, I had been learning everything I could about the Plants. Alex told me all he knew, and took me to see Nova often. These visits stopped once the war began. As a Plant engineer, Alex was what was considered "essential homeland personnel", and he assured me that he would not be sent overseas. But, like all promises from authority in a time of chaos, Alex's status meant nothing.  
  
He met with me in his apartment to discuss his mission. I was anxious, but I was glad for the fact that it was a humanitarian mission. He was to be a part of a crew dropping food and medical supplies on a civilian area that the Air Force had bombed by mistake, to help the survivors.   
  
"The plane is one of our larger cargo vessels, runs on reserve Plant energy," Alex explained, "though there's no living Plant aboard, of course. The reserve energy can be unstable and needs a skilled technician to keep it contained. Oh, Rem, don't look so sad! I will only be gone for a week."  
  
"But the danger, Alex!" I protested, "I thank God that you aren't fighting, but you're still going into a war zone! Humanitarian mission or not, those enemy gunners won't care!"  
  
"Rem, please, I'll be fine. This is not the first run we've made and we've lost none of our cargo planes so far. The cloaks are working."   
  
"I hate war," I sighed. I knew it was a stupid statement, for I couldn't think of any sane person who would like it. Mirroring my thoughts, Alex sighed.  
  
"I hate wars, never been in one before now, but I hate them. I don't think anyone likes the idea of war, amazingly, we still have it. If everyone could learn to respect one another and not hurt their fellow people the world would be a paradise." He coughed, and continued, "The United States would have been happy to share Plant technology with China if we didn't fear them turning it into a weapon. Furthermore, their human rights abuses make it impossible to trust them with knowledge of the Plants. You know they are living creatures. The Chinese would drain them dry and try to replicate the conditions that led to them on innocent people."   
  
I broached a question; "Isn't the real reason behind these tensions power? Isn't our government just afraid that with the Plants that China will usurp us as a world power?"  
  
"Yes, that too," he answered, "Then the issue becomes liberty - our way of life, the right to disagree with those in power. China could take that away from us...but only if things were that simple...   
  
"Few things are black and white, especially in war. They destroy, we destroy, it's all the same. I was trained to be a warrior, but I don't buy into that mentality...at least not anymore. I think...I think it can start with individuals..."  
  
"What, Alex?" I asked, "What can start?"   
  
"Peace," he replied with a sad smile, "Love and peace. If each individual could embrace these virtues - love his fellow man, seek peace rather than violent resolutions to issues, then maybe we wouldn't have wars so often...or at all. It certainly won't begin with governments, but maybe it could happen with individual lives touching every other life they come in contact with without destroying."   
  
"That takes a lot of faith in humanity," I stated.   
  
"Sure it does, and it is probable that not everyone will be reached, but by pursuing these virtues, a person may at least preserve their own dignity - even practice the very love of God. I'm sorry, I'm making no sense."   
  
I clutched his hand in mine. "No, you are making perfect sense, and you are brave. Your willingness to go on this mission is putting these ideals into practice."   
  
Alex hugged me, drawing me close to him. I rested my chin on his shoulder and breathed in his scent, an aroma of mild sweat and sharp aftershave. "Please," he sighed, "don't call me brave, Rem. I'm not. I'm terrified about this mission. Maybe that's why I'm randomly philosophizing. Inside, I'm shaking like a leaf in the wind."   
  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
I walked home from class, the long way, taking the overpass bridge. The air was barely breathable, the horizon tainted brown. I had heard about more and more people enlisting in Project SEEDS, even talk about drafting people from China and other "enemy status" countries. Whatever wars the nations were fighting aside, this was a worldwide pursuit, as it could mean the very survival of the human race.   
  
As bad as the planet was getting, anyway, war was only making it worse. In war, "the end justifies the means", and all parties will raze the earth if it will mean victory for them. Alex mentioned a desire to join the project, after the end of his Air Force hitch. It would be a few years yet before everything would be operational - giving us time to decide. I didn't know if I wanted to go. It was a romantic notion...traveling amongst the stars, discovering strange new worlds - and I was a sci-fiaholic, so it held special appeal for me, but I just wasn't sure if I wanted it. Signing on to the project would mean leaving everything I knew and everyone I loved.   
  
Except for Alex. On Earth or in the stars, we would be together. The night before he left on his mission he proposed to me and I accepted.   
  
I stepped in the door of the living room and set my bookbag down. Mom and Dad weren't home but Knives was there, watching a news program on the holovision and typing furiously on a keypad, engrossed in a chat.   
  
"Rem," he said, turning to me, his face pale, "Two of our planes got shot down. News said one of them was a cargo plane, right on the China-Mongolia border. Wasn't that...Alex's flyover?"  
  
A frigid feeling shot through me. It couldn't be...wouldn't his family be notified before it was on the news? I had closed the front door just a few minutes ago, and upon it came a knock. I opened it to see Amelia, Alex's little sister, just turned thirteen. I said a dull "Hello" to her and I think read each other's thoughts at that moment, from the expressions on our faces. My skin felt cold, I knew that my skin must have been drained of color. Amelia's face was tear-streaked, her eyes listless, like pale blue milk. She reached out to me and grabbed my arm gently with her right hand. Her words came shaky.   
  
"Miss Rem Saverem? I...I have to tell you something..."   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Alex Thatcher was a man of humility and never liked being called a hero..."  
  
I cannot adequately describe the numbness of my soul. I felt as if I had traveled outside of myself. My body was standing on the rain-soaked grass, Amelia Thatcher was lightly leaning on me and Knives was holding my hand. I stared straight ahead, my spirit dull and trapped within.   
  
All of Alex's family and immediate coworkers were at the funeral. My mother, father, and Knives came to be there for me. I hated how everyone had been, for the past four days, been coming up to me and asking me if I was alright. I appreciated their concern but I didn't want to speak...or do anything...  
  
He was gone, never to return, our dreams vanished, burned with the fire that consumed the plane on its decent. They wouldn't let me see him - Mr. Thatcher said I wouldn't want to. He said the funeral home did their best but the burns were really bad. At least, according to the autopsy report, Alex had died on impact, and suddenly, before the burning.   
  
"Love does not act unbecomingly, it does not seek its own...love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things..." the reverend droned on, speaking of Alex's faith, and attempting to give words of comfort.   
  
I couldn't take it anymore.   
  
I ran to the flag-draped coffin and threw myself over it. "Alex! Alex!" I cried, as if my wailing could make him rise from that box. I grabbed at the flag, bunching the red and white stripes in my fingers, staining them with my tears. He didn't deserve to die! He didn't believe in taking life, despite his profession...my gentle warrior who cared so much about everything. I heard gasps, cries, and voices behind me, and I recognized the distinct voice of Alex's uncle.  
  
"Stop her! She's defiling the flag!"  
  
"Let her be!"  
  
After a long while I felt a hand on my back and heard the soft, low voice of Reverend Peterson beckoning me to get up. I pulled myself up off my knees and attempted to smooth out the flag.   
  
"It's alright, leave it," the reverend whispered, "you don't have to."   
  
I walked over to my mother and she threw her arms around me.   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
  
Lying on my bed, watching the blades of the ceiling fan spin around and around...  
  
Three days after the funeral and I had not ventured from this room. My upstairs bedroom, a sanctuary from the world... as I looked at the fan in it's continual motion, I thought about Arizona.   
  
It was random. I remember Alex asking me if I had ever been to Arizona. He said the summers there were hotter than Hell, that people there sometimes ran their ceiling fans even in the winter. He said that I should see a desert in my lifetime, that southern Arizona was beautiful in and despite its starkness. I remembered his descriptions of scrub brushed hills, skies of clear turquoise, and the thunderheads of the summer monsoons sailing like miles-high grandiose flagships over the desert. I was used to cities, and sometimes visiting now rare forested hills, but had never seen a desert. I wanted to see one.   
  
What I wanted most was to be in Alex's arms again. He always found ways to comfort me when I was upset, and now...it was over him, and he was dead. Dead. I couldn't believe it, yet I knew it to be true. We wouldn't be together, not on Earth, or in the stars. The scent of his aftershave was fading from my memory, so too, did I long to run my fingers through that crazy spiked hair of his just one more time - and to tell him all that I felt for him.   
  
I wanted to join him, but I knew that I could not. If I killed myself...or let myself waste away, I would be betraying him. I remembered his words to me that night we met on the bridge. He told me that no one has the right to cheat a person out of their future, and that no one even has the right before God to do that to themselves. No one knows what the future brings, whether things good or bad, nor what choices one is going to make until the time comes for them to make them. Here I was, making the decision not to get out of this bed. I wanted to sleep for a year, at the least. I wanted escape from this grief and loneliness that was tearing my soul asunder.  
  
I climbed out of bed and walked over to my desk, staring at my face in the mirror above it. I had a massive headache and my face showed it. I looked bloodless...I don't remember ever seeing my skin so white. I picked up my hairbrush and ran it through my hair. It was greasy, I needed to shower. I hadn't even the strength to do that in the last three days. Washing, drying and properly brushing it out would take at least an hour and a half, since it was so long. I had considered getting it cut, but Alex told me he liked it long, and I had been growing it out since I was ten and was rather attached to my "hippie" look. In any case, I decided that Alex wouldn't want to see me like this, and that if he was watching from Heaven, I was probably making him very sad.   
  
So I looked at my reflection in the mirror and said to it, to myself; "You must survive."   
  
I glanced down at a stack of papers on the desk, random mail from last week that I had not bothered to read. I picked up a little brochure, junk mail, but the colors and strong type caught my eye. It was a recruitment mailer for Project SEEDS. I'd seen these before, in card racks in public buildings, at tables with recruiters at the college. They recruited like the military. Opening up the brochure, I idly read...stuff about how only "the best of the best" will be selected, and even fewer into the various command positions...the project's goal being nothing less than the ultimate salvation of the human race but that they only wanted the best minds, blah, blah, blah.  
  
I stared at the mailer. This was something Alex and I were considering anyway. This world was polluted, not only by random environmental destruction, but also by war, by murder. The project could offer a chance for change, a new hope for the future, and for my future. I didn't care anymore about leaving my family behind. I wanted off this awful planet! I was going to join Project SEEDS.   
  
  
  
END CHAPTER 3.   
  
2 or 3 more chapters to come, stay tuned.   
  
Lady Shadowcat, aka S.E. Nordwall, 2002. 


	4. The Wind Blows Toward the Future

Notes: Avalon is a fictional town – if there is an actual Avalon, California, and I wouldn't be surprised if there was, I do not know of it.  The "Avalon" in this fanfiction is made up; any resemblance to a real city is coincidental.  Also…remember the July incident, that Vash went to the city to look for a relative of Rem's? I believe his name was Lebanon Vasquez (Count Lebanon Vasquez, a murder that Vash got accused of, though there is no definite record of him ever having taken a life).  The Lebanon Vasquez in this story isn't him, but is his grandfather.  Finally, a virtual donut for any Smegheads out there who get my little "Red Dwarf" reference. (I'm such a geek!) Don't worry if you don't, it's little and unimportant.  

A Thank You to my beta reader for this chapter, Dead Legato! 

THE ANGEL AND THE WARRIOR

Chapter 4

I ducked inside the bus station quickly, shaking the rain off my coat.  I was on my own now, required to redeem a validation slip for a paid ticket to Avalon, California to the SEEDS Officer Training facility. For the past two months I had been undergoing testing and evaluation at the Springfield Military Processing Station in the wing set aside for Project SEEDS.  It worked very much like a military recruitment – or so I guessed as much from what I remember Alex mentioning and from what I saw the military enlistees going through in the halls. 

My results on the intelligence and aptitude tests were very high, qualifying me for officer status, should I choose to train for it.  I made that choice.  My set job was to be dual, as my education and experience in journalism qualified me to be a Recordkeeper. 

I took my ticket from the man at the counter and looked at it.  I immediately handed it back. 

"Sir?  Isn't this ticket supposed to be to Avalon? There's nothing printed under 'destination' here."

"Oh," the man said, adjusting his eyeglasses, "must be a misprint.  Never seen this error before. Where was it supposed to be to again?  Miss?"

"Avalon…California."

The old man scratched his whiskered chin as he pulled another ticket. "I could just let you keep the one ya got," he stated.

"Why would I want to keep it?" I asked, "It's a misprint.  I'm just going to throw it away."

"It's a blank ticket.  You could write in any destination you choose.  You can write in Avalon, if you wish…you could write in Seattle, New York, Phoenix…or anyplace, instead, whatever destination you choose." 

I smiled at the joke and took the new ticket he handed me.  "Avalon, thanks." I said, and sat down in a plastic chair to wait for my bus to arrive. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Arrival at Avalon was a bit surreal.  There were so many people.  I waited in many long lines, filled out pages and pages of paperwork, and confirmed my identity with my various cards and certificates more times that day than I cared to count.  Most of this stuff was electronic due to the need to preserve the last precious stands of forest, but by the end of the day my wrist was cramped thanks to recycling and a need for physical records.

I was assigned classes, like college, necessary for my training.  I was to begin by taking Basic Astrophysics, Advanced Plant Maintenance, Interpersonal Communication, Leadership Development, and Advanced General Biology. 

After deciding that my brain was going to explode, I found my group's dorm.  It was a communal women's dorm, very Spartan, with rows of beds lined up with wall lockers and a large latrine with showers.  It was a military barracks.  I was one of the first to make it to the dorm, so I began to unpack and converse with the few other girls there until I saw an unexpected, familiar face. 

She stepped into the cavernous room and stared at me blankly.  "Rem?" 

"Julia?"

The other girls stared at us strangely as we ran to each other and had a "glomp-fest".  "Glomping" was what Julia called it, anyway – tight, fierce hugging.  "Hugging" was not adequate to describe our crushing of each other.  Julia Vasquez was my cousin and one of my best childhood friends.  I hadn't seen her since she got married and moved to Los Angeles over two years prior.  We had written to each other sometimes, but hadn't had the chance to travel and meet each other. 

"What are you doing here?" we both asked each other at once.

"Where's Lebanon? I asked, curious about Julia's husband, "Is he here, too?"

"Of course!" she laughed, "The couples' apartments were getting full-up so they put me in this dorm and him in the 2B men's dorm next door.  Hey, is Alex with you?  I remember you telling me you had a boyfriend the last time you wrote me." 

Our lives had both been busy, or maybe I had just been so despondent I had just forgotten to write her…Julia did not have electronic mail.  

"Rem, what's wrong?" 

Julia put a hand on my shoulder.  I looked up at her slowly.  "He's the reason I'm here," I whispered.  

"Is he here with you?  I wanted to meet him.  Oh…don't tell me you're coming off a bad breakup…I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything, I'm such a dork." 

I remained silent for a long time.

"Rem?"

"He died," I said at long last, "called to a mission in the war.  His plane was shot down." 

"Oh, Rem, I'm so sorry."

"It's alright, don't worry about it.  I can help you unpack." 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My next several days at Avalon were considerably less awkward than the first.  Everyone in my dorm was taking the same classes, except for Julia, who was taking several advanced botany and ecology courses. She was, along with her husband, part of the design crew for a series of experimental microenvironments to be built into the fleet of SEEDS ships.  

I became fast friends with everyone in the dorm, but especially with this lady named Mary.  An energetic woman with mousy brown hair and thick glasses, she was set to become a navigation technician.  She smoked, but tried to refrain from it around me, as I didn't like the smell.  She, Julia, and I would, in our free time, hang out with some of the guys from the neighboring barracks.  Julia was happy to be around her Lebanon, of course, and the rest of us left them alone together most of the time.  The rest of "the crew" consisted of Rowan, a computer tech from Pennsylvania and Joseph, who was already a captain of the project, finalizing his training.  

Life went on for many months with classes after classes and training in all aspects; mental and physical, even spiritual for those of us who sought out the chaplains and went to services.   

The project was to run like this, if all went well with the preparations; SEEDS was not to have just one crew.  This is why many were in the officers' training.  There was to be one command ship, one major Plant ship and five smaller ships containing only Plants, and the rest were Coldsleep ships.  Radiation from the Plants reaching out across space, coordinated through the formation, would maintain the ships with the people in Coldsleep.  

Because of the Plants there needed to be only one small crew on the command ship, where the project heads were to be held in Coldsleep.  Since SEEDS was to be adrift in search of a new homeworld for an indefinite period of time, that crew would be rotational.  All those selected to be a part of the navigation crew – 375 of us – were to be frozen and awakened at intervals aboard the command ship.  The crew was to be five to seven persons each shift, and the shifts were to be two-year stretches.

All our records were cleanly entered and cleanly kept, so that crew members with particular skills could be awakened when necessary.  Coldsleep put the body's aging process at a standstill.  Awakening, referred to alternately as "resurrection," was a delicate procedure, but had nonetheless been successfully computer automated in a series of animal experiments – then voluntary human tests. 

All of us, before the final preparations, were to undergo three days of Coldsleep to prepare us psychologically for an experience that could last several decades out in the cosmos.  My first sleep took place in a somewhat small laboratory.  I was very frightened, and fought to contain my nervous shakes.  Rowan and Mary were with me that day, also to undergo their first freeze.  Rowan assured me that I shouldn't worry, that the computers controlling the process were absolutely reliable.  

Viewing subjects that went before in their big glass, coffin-like tubes, however, made me even more frightened.  Men and women, locked in frozen coma lined the walls of the laboratory, still and white like corpses. The doctors explained the procedure in vivid, even gruesome detail.  They said that, essentially, to go into Coldsleep was to die, at least in the clinical sense.  They were still perfecting the process, and promised that by the time Project SEEDS was to be launched that it would be completely painless.  For now, some pain was to be expected.

I laid down on the padded, body-form lounge in one of the tubes, its domed glass lid open above me.  One of the technicians placed a mask over my nose and mouth.  I was told to breathe deep of the anesthetic as electrodes were placed on my chest and forehead ad needles into each of my arms.  This was the most disturbing and painful part of the process – the beginning of the slow draining of blood through long, clear tubes to freeze separately and minimize tissue damage.  

I was drifting off.  I fought it.  In my mind I knew that this was routine and I would be okay, but a primal survival instinct took over, an inner scream that I was dying and had to stay awake. I could not move. I felt my heart slowing.  More needles, long and thick, were inserted somewhere under my ribs.  My vision grew fuzzy and dark and I felt the mask slip off my face and heard a thump as I gasped and felt a terrible frigid wind…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A tingling ache, garbled voices, something warm on my brow…

"Careful with this one, her freeze went awry. Bring her up slowly."

"Alex?" I whispered, trying to reach out, but my arms failed me.   I saw his face above me, smiling.  

"Rem…"

"REM!"

I felt a hand on my shoulder and heard the soft, deep voice of Joey.  

"Huh?" I mumbled.  

"Easy, you're going to be alright," he softly said, "It'll hurt for a little while and you'll be very cold."

Two stabbing pains hit me in both sides as I looked down and saw two metal shafts slide out of me.  My shirt was stiff and smelled of frost.  

I think I lost consciousness after that, because I don't remember anything more of the Coldsleep laboratory that day.  I woke up in a hot room shaking and covered with blankets.  Mary, Rowan, Joey, Julia and Lebanon were there, sitting in chairs surrounding my bed.  

"Good to see you awake," Mary said, "You had us worried."  I sat up, a sudden sensation of cold hitting me.  

"What happened?" I asked urgently.  Joey reached out to me and held my hand.  It was so warm that it hurt.  His hand felt like fire.  Joey spoke.  

"Bad freeze," he explained, "It happens sometimes.  You weren't completely knocked out before the automation began. Coldsleep usually goes easy, but they almost lost you.  We need to watch you for a few hours, just to make sure you're alright.  Would you like some coffee?  You need to get warmed up." 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My next experience with Coldsleep was less dramatic, though I had to be given pills to calm my nerves before going into the chamber.  I woke up quickly within the open tube and suffered from the tingling cold only for an hour.  The needles in my sides were still awful. They were necessary for stimulating the heart in the waking process, through some sort of energy current conducted through them.  I'd forever bear small scars from them.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Julia gave me a tour of her work department.  Aboard one of the SEEDS fleet ships was a vast chamber, which was called the Hall of Life.  Along the walls were rows of vials containing blue liquid on metallic shelves etched with electronic pathways.  

"Embryos," Julia explained, "well, some of these just have base DNA, but most are embryonic vials. This is just the zoological room.  The botanical room is larger and not as cold, doesn't need to be, we keep mostly dried seeds and spores in there…" 

"So these are all animals…" I stated. 

"They will be," Julia elaborated, "the first generation shall have to be watched closely – being grown in fluid is no real childhood for any creature, but our testing has proven successful thus far.  Yeah, once the new homeland is established and the ecology is deemed able to support introduced species, these will be 'birthed' according to what can be supported first, according to our needs next.  We expect to grow insects and livestock first.  Come, I'll show you something more, on the command ship." 

"Wow!" I exclaimed, blinking my eyes. The fleet was set to launch in three months, but not all the ship interiors had all of their internal electricity on in all the chambers.  The command ship was to be the final to get its lights turned on – it was to lessen strain on the Plants and because, while many of the other ships were being loaded with civilians in Coldsleep, the command crews were the last to be frozen.  

I had stepped into the Recreation Room from a dark chamber.  The light was like the sun, pure and yellow-white.  I smelled grass and dew.  I looked at the flowering trees a few yards away from me.  I walked to them and touched their rough bark.  

"Yes, it's real!" Julia stated, "The grass is real, the soil, and the trees.  Do you hear the birds? We have birds here, insects, and even a few mammals.  This Recreation Room is a fully functioning temperate climate ecosystem!  Isn't it wonderful!" 

"Yes," I sighed, "Yes it is!  This is just…amazing!" 

"It seems limitless, doesn't it?" Julia replied, "The inner walls are illusionary – Advanced Image Generation."

"Like a video game…" I murmured, my left hand occupied with stroking the bark of an apple tree, gazing up at the cloudy expanse of "sky".  "Very cool….how do you find the door?" 

"Oh!" my cousin laughed, "That's right here, come with me.  Don't walk ahead or you'll run right into the wall."  

I did walk ahead of her and bonked my nose…right into a low-hanging cloud.  I rubbed my face and watched as Julia traced her fingers along a piece of the cerulean blue surrounding us.  

"See this pale green patterning here?  It's thin, but not hard to see when you know what to look for."  

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The day came when my barracks was to board the command ship for the mission. Everyone was tense and happily excited at the same time.  There would be neither fanfare nor long goodbyes that day, though I had a long visit with my family the week before to say my final farewells.  I think Knives took it the hardest.  He told me that it was like I was dying because we would never see each other again.  I told him that he need only to dream and to remember, and I would be there – that we would always be with one another in spirit.  I tried to put the sadness out of my mind by thinking about Alex.  I had to do this, for me, and for him.  It was the future I had chosen and I had to reach for it. 

Joey, Mary, Rowan and I would freeze at the same time, along with thirteen other persons, as part of the second wave of the command boarding.  The launch with all of its press and hoopla would not take place for another month – after the final boarding. 

 I had been here, in Avalon, for nearly three years - just shy three months.  I knew my duties upon my future awakening; mainly Plant maintenance and data recording for the mission log.  

Julia and Lebanon were not to be on the command ship with us.  Though they both held officer status, they were transferred to another vessel. I was surprised to see Joey carrying a small black animal.  

"Are you allowed?" I asked of him, "I thought the project heads made you get rid of Frankenstein!  How'd you pull this off?" 

"Of course!" he laughed, "I insisted upon it.  I'm needed too much for the old men to refuse…I could not leave my kitty behind!  She has no one else to care for her.  I pulled some strings, the techs even rigged up a little Coldsleep chamber for her." 

So, we boarded, lying down side by side in the Coldsleep chambers, ready to meet destiny.  

END CHAPTER 4

Lady Shadowcat, 2002.  


	5. Eternity

THE ANGEL AND THE WARRIOR

Chapter 5 

How many years had passed with my body and soul frozen in time?  I "died" five times in the Coldsleep chambers of the SEEDS command ship, yet I held no recollection of visiting Heaven or Hell, nor even of dreaming.  The sleeping was deep and dark, a coma from which one remembered nothing of what lay on the other side.  The Coldsleep technology improved with time, both within my years of life and my absence from it.  The last freeze I went through was painless, needleless, and quick, and all of my blood stayed in my body. 

My two-year shifts went as quickly and as surreal as dreams.  The Coldsleep slowed the aging process in waking as well as in coma.  When I began my fifth shift, I should have aged ten years, but I remained as young as I was when SEEDS had embarked, give or take a year's aging.  Truly, I was over one hundred years old.  Between my sleeping and waking, the SEEDS fleet had been drifting through deep space for eighty-two years.

In every shift I had, I was with the same command crew – Joey as Captain, Rowan as the Computer Technician and Medical Tech, Mary as our Navigational Technician, and our head Plant Maintainer and General Mechanic, Steve.  

Steve was an okay guy.  He was brilliant working with the Plants, even if I didn't always appreciate his dirty jokes when we worked together.  He hit on me a few times, but quickly refrained when I showed I wasn't interested.  Mary, however, indulged his advances toward her, much to Rowan's dismay.  I had known that Rowan had liked Mary for a long time.  After a while, Mary seemed to tire of Steve, though he continued flirting, often in Rowan's full view. 

Mary laughed about the ship love triangles, as she called them; Rowan, Steve and her, Joey and me.  Joey and I had taken meals together a few times, but there was little romance in it.  Most of our private meetings were matters of command, the others a matter of friendship.  I could tell that Joey was a lonely man and that he wanted more of our relationship, but I wasn't ready.  My thoughts still dwelt upon Alex, despite the many years he had been dead, and I just didn't share Joey's feelings.  

Our fifth shift began as mundanely as the rest.  I made the usual daily transmissions into the project log and worked with Steve maintaining the Plants.  As I sent the daily reports into the command ship's computer to be transmitted into the computers of the entire fleet, I began noticing something unusual in Recorder Oliver Tavistock's files.  Tavistock was the archiver who was on shift just before I was awakened.  I had Joey look over his transmissions from the last month before he went into Coldsleep.

Plant 1 on our ship, according to Tavistock, had been experiencing strange spikes in its energy level, increasing in frequency.  There had been no such spikes on Steve's watch until…

"Rem, get in here, quickly!" I was reviewing the log with Joey when I got an urgent call on my transmitter from Steve.  I rushed to the Plant Monitor Room and saw him frantically working the console of Plant 1, trying to balance her levels.

"Crap!" he cried, "I think it's gonna blow! What are you standing around for? Rem, get your rear end over here and help me!" 

"Calm down, Steve!" I pleaded, "There has to be a solution to this as long as we keep our heads clear!  Alright, here we are…" I pressed in one sequence, then another.  The energy levels began evening out, but the Plant's internal sensors indicated an anomaly. 

Joey gave the order for all of us to suit up and go inside the containment unit.  We rushed in.  I brought up the rear and saw everyone standing in a semicircle amidst the yellow energy haze.  I saw Joey draw his laser-guided pistol.  I couldn't imagine why…was he going to shoot the Plant?  Then – I saw them. 

Two tiny, naked bodies squirmed, rolling and tangling themselves in their umbilical cords, which were attached somewhere in the yellow fog to the floor of the Plant's containment unit.  It was the strangest sight I had seen in my life – two male babies, humanoid infants, apparently birthed by the Plant.  

Joey, Mary, Rowan, and Steve all had their pistols trained right on them.

"What are you doing?" I shouted as I jumped in between the babies and the crew.

"Rem, move." Joey commanded, his voice like steel, "We don't know what they are."

"What do you mean you don't know what they are?" I demanded, "They're babies!"

"Baby whats?" Steve said, "They're some kinda mutants the Plant made!  They're monsters!"

"He's right, Rem," Joey spoke again in that cold, serious voice, a voice I did not believe possible from him, a voice that profoundly scared me.  "Steven is right.  We don't know what they are.  They could prove hostile to us.  They may jeopardize the mission."

"How are they a threat to us?" I asked, "You have your guns aimed at helpless infants!"  I noticed then that the crew's gun sights were all trained on me.  There was a red dot on my left thigh, another on my right arm, another, I guessed from what I could see of the light, aimed at my forehead, and the light from Joey's gun fell on the center of my chest.

"Rem, please move," he sighed, "It is an order.  Don't make me shoot you.  As Captain my first priority is to the mission.  If sacrifices have to be made to preserve the safety of the whole-"

I trembled but stood still.  I would never forgive myself if I let the crew gun down helpless children.  "Please! Don't!" I cried. 

The crew looked at me for a long time.  Mary was the first to lower her weapon.  "I can't," she whispered.  Rowan holstered his gun, shaking his head.  Joey put his pistol away.  Steve still held his gun aimed at my head.  I blinked as the red light shined in my face.  

"Steve!" Joey barked, "Lower your firearm!  Steve!"

I opened my eyes and breathed a sigh of relief as the light left my eyes.  I fell to my knees, smelling the sweat and warm staleness inside my suit.  

"They are yours," Joey stated.  "They are your responsibility, but if at any time they pose a threat to the mission I will not hesitate to kill them myself."

"Thank you." I managed a whisper.  Mary went to get equipment from the Medical Bay to test and monitor the babies, and to see if they could safely be taken outside of the Plant.  I dared to gently pick up one of them.   He weakly wriggled in my arms and opened his eyes.  He stared at me for a long time before falling to sleep.  His eyes were the clearest and purest blue-green I had ever seen. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I named the twins Vash and Knives, in remembrance of my little brothers.  Little Knives was Millions Knives, with "Millions" in his name as homage to my aunt Fé, whose maiden name had been Millónes.  "Knives," also felt like the most appropriate name for him, as, like a knife divides, he and his brother had caused division among the crew.  He was the larger and stronger of the brothers, Vash being more delicate in his features, thus prompting me to name him for my poor, frail, long deceased brother, while praying that he would not share his fate.  

I was quite alone in caring for the infants at first.  Mary began helping me when she saw me, between them and my duties, being run ragged.  Gradually, the crew began to accept the boys, even Joey.  They did too many cute things for him not to, he told me.  Steve remained suspicious of them, however, and I was very careful in watching them when he was in the vicinity.  

Vash and Knives grew quickly, unnaturally – for human children.  I had no idea of their aging in relation to the Plants.  The Plants seemed never to age, timeless beings that only demonstrated signs of wear when too great of an energy demand was being pressed on them.  After only a month and a half they resembled full-fledged "terrible" two-year old toddlers.  Taking their first steps so young and beginning to talk – those things could be considered simple precocious ness, signs of prodigy – but their growth in size and aging in features betrayed the unnatural.  

Not that a mother cares what the world labels her children.  They were my boys, though I couldn't bring myself to truly consider myself a mother.  This experience was foreign to me, something I was least ready for.  I never taught the twins to say "Mama," instead; they learned my name and called me "Remu."  Darling little Vash…his second word was "do-nut."  Rowan said that I indulged them in treats too often.  

The toddler-month was the most harrowing.  I found myself exhausted from chasing them around, keeping them from getting into things, and keeping them from trying to pull the tail off Joey's cat.  Mary gave them an apt nickname: the Twin Typhoons.  

They grew over the months, continuing at a strange rate.  Joey helped me to teach them when he had the time.  I lamented that proper schooling was not available to them.  I had about as much experience as a teacher as I had being a mother.  Vash and Knives picked up things quickly – I was amazed at how swiftly they went from learning the basic English alphabet to reading from the ship's library.  

The twins learned the technicalities of many things so quickly that teaching them the underlying meanings of things became difficult.  Children – all of us - take time to understand life in its many layers.  

The three of us were walking in the Recreation Room one morning when Knives found a dead sparrow that had fallen from the apple tree.  He picked it up in his tiny hands and asked what was wrong with it. 

"It has died," I said sadly, "It's asleep and will never wake up." 

"Is there any way to make it wake up, like you do with the people?" he asked me. 

"I'm sorry, Knives, I can't."  

Vash shot me a look of hurt.

"I can't," I explained, "this is different than with the people.  Its soul has gone away and can't be brought back."

"Where did its soul go?" Knives queried.  

"Well," I tried to explain, "people have many different beliefs about that…" I had spoken of God to the twins before, though not much of my beliefs about eternity. 

"What do you believe, Rem?" Vash asked brightly, "Where is the bird's soul now?"

I sighed.  "I believe God cares for every creature.  I think that the sparrow went to be with him – in the Land of Angels." 

We made a grave and had a little funeral for the sparrow.  

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I was getting the boys ready for a bath.  I pulled Vash's shirt off over his head and was shocked at what I saw.  

"Vash, what happened?" I yelped, fearing some terrible fall, wondering why he had not told me he was hurt.  His pale, soft skin was covered in dark blue and purple bruises.  He looked up at me, his lower lip trembling.

"It's why I didn't want to take a bath tonight!" he cried, "Now, I'm gonna die!"

"What?" I asked, hugging Vash close, "No, honey….you're going to be just fine, just tell me what happened…please?"

"Steve." Knives said from the stool where he was sitting, having been watching me wrestle Vash into the bathroom, waiting patiently.  

Vash began crying.  He buried his face in my shoulder.  "Steve said he'd kill us if we told anyone."

Frigid terror seized me.  I felt as if my heart had stopped beating for just a moment.  "What's been going on?" I demanded, facing Knives. I felt horrible an instant later, seeing Knives' small face staring at me with shocked wide eyes.  I put a hand on the boy's shoulder and softened my voice. 

"What does Steve not want anyone to know?" I asked urgently, "I have to know.  I can stop him from doing what he has been doing to you if only I know." 

"He says we're monsters!" Vash sobbed, "He caught me in Plant 2's room and beat me – he threw me to the floor and kicked me."

"It's not the first time it's happened." Knives said dully, "He's hit us both…but this is the first time it's been this bad – this time with Vash was the worst."

Frigidity left me.  I felt fire rush through my veins, pure, hot anger.  "You two stay here," I instructed, putting Vash's shirt back on him, "the bath can wait." 

I located Steve in the cafeteria not five minutes later.  I could have gone to the captain, but something within me told me that doing that might worsen the situation.  Steve was an integral part of the team and Joey would be reluctant to take disciplinary action against him that would impede the performance of his duties.  I was taught that matters are best solved the fewer people get involved.  Steve was sitting at a table, a glass and a bottle beside him.  My nose caught the sharp, distinctive smell of alcohol and the odor of sweat.

"Steven, I wish to speak with you," I uttered, and he turned around, his face in shadow, and stared at me.  

" 'Bout what?" he coughed. 

"The boys," I said, indignation rising in my voice, "Vash is all bruised up.  He and Knives say that you've been hitting them."

"Dammed little liars!" Steve shouted.  I startled.  "Bet you believe everything those little monsters tell you." 

"I've no reason to believe they would lie," I protested, "especially about something like this…Vash was crying he was so afraid…"

"Little beasts!  Shouldn't be meddling where they aren't supposed to be!"

I gasped as Steve rose from his seat and strode up to me, breathing hot in my face.  "They aren't human you know," he growled, "Who knows what they are?  He was in the Plant room, could've been trying to sabotage us!  I might have saved the mission!"

"What are you talking about, Steve?" I shouted, "They are children!"  

"They're monsters!" he yelled, grabbing my shirt collar.  "You know how we use the Plants, Rem.  That's what they are.  They could be plotting against us!  Some kinda revolution!  Are you so naïve?  Those 'children' will be the death of us all!  How long will you pretend they are human?"

"St-Steve…" I trembled, "please let me go…" he had both of his large hands on my shoulders and he was gripping hard.  I stepped back.  He grabbed my right wrist.  I tried loosing it from his grasp, but he held tight.  I reached for the communicator hanging from my neck.  Steve wrenched me forward and grabbed the chain, breaking it and throwing it to the floor.  I struggled and he slapped me across the face. 

"You cannot protect them!" he screamed.  "Your nice little synthetic family, pathetic substitutes to drown out the memory of your dead boyfriend!  You can't shelter them forever!  The others will see what they are and you won't be able to save your precious little mutants then!  Just you watch!"

"Please, Steve!" I cried, my vision blurred with tears, "Stop it! Stop it!  Let me go!  You're drunk!  Sleep it off!" 

By this time, I was trying to fight myself free, pelting Steve's broad chest with my left hand clenched in a fist.  I was hurled backward.  I felt a ripping pain in my arm, sudden and terrible.  I heard a loud cracking sound and felt the wind knocked out of my lungs.  

I was on the cold steel floor, a throb wracking my body, pulsing through my arm.  I saw Steve staggering away.  I glimpsed flashes of white light before me. Thoroughly confused for just a moment, I attempted to get up.   I felt the flesh of my right arm stir, apart from itself, the stiffness of bone, broken, shifting within the muscle.  Then, the pain hit and I screamed.  I don't know how long I lay there moaning.  I might have blacked out a couple of times.  When I was aware of my surroundings, I was in a fog of agony.

"Rem?" I heard a soft voice.  I glimpsed the tear-stained faces of Vash and Knives above me.  "We were worried when you didn't come back," Knives said, "and we heard screaming." 

I groaned.  "Boys, get Rowan, quickly!"  

Rowan and Joey came and lifted me up gently, helping me to the infirmary.  Soon, I was lying on a lounge with my arm in a tank of blue suspension fluid, tiny robots probing the flesh and mending the bone.  I was given a shot of localized heavy painkiller and tried to reassure the twins.  My poor angels were very upset, but Vash seemed more frightened than Knives.  Knives had always been quite reserved, Vash the more sensitive of the two.  

Joey was infuriated and paced the floor in front of me in an agitated fashion.  While I was being treated, he had led Steve to the Quarantine Room and sealed him in.  He pronounced sentence: Steve was to spend a week in quarantine for attacking me – the Quarantine Room the closest place we had on the ship to a brig or a prison of any sort.

"Vash and Knives will just have to avoid him…" Joey said.  My jaw hung in disbelief.  "I wish there were some other way…the stupid idiot…but, he is a part of the team."

I nodded solemnly.  We both knew what could be done with Steve…but there was nothing set up for due process aboard the ship with the small crew.  It would not be fair to condemn him to indefinite freezing for a simple drunken indiscretion.  I was not hurt badly and Joey, I was certain, would aid me in keeping track of him and the twins more closely.  

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I could not believe what was happening.  Vash had hit me.  My face stung where had smacked me. 

"Are you just going to let it happen?" he screamed.  "It happened again!  He kicked Knives! Aren't you going to do anything?"

"I can't!" I cried, "I know you don't understand, but I can't!  I can't!"  My soul was torn in pieces and I had never before felt so helpless – powerless to protect my own children without committing some horrible act I was unwilling to do.  I had been teaching the boys that words were the way to solve conflicts, that peace was to be valued above all.  Now, Steve's violence had transferred to Vash, my precious little Vash, his hand raised in anger against me.  

Vash stood staring at me, then, he began to weep.  He threw his small arms around me.  

"Rem!" his voice came anguished, "I'm so sorry!! I promise – I promise I will never hurt you again!  Ever!" 

I held him close, my fingers clutching at the long blond hair that fell down his back, lush and golden like a young lion's mane.  

"You're afraid of him, too, aren't you?" he whispered. Then he said something that utterly surprised me.  "Maybe Knives and I should leave.  I'm not sure how we got here, but no one wants us around."

"No, no, no!" I soothed, "Don't ever say that. I love you very much and the others will see how beautiful you are in time.  This is your home and when we find a planet to settle on, that will be your home – our home, too." 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We discovered a planet. After nearly a century of nothingness in deep space, the fleet sensors registered a faint blip on the computer monitor.  Within the week, we approached close enough to gather data.  Everyone was on the bridge to celebrate when we learned that it was possible for life as we knew it to survive there.  

Rowan read of the statistics of the world: no oceans, an atmosphere with the same makeup as Earth's, but arid overall encompassing the whole, barely habitable, but the only planet in its twin-star system with any chance to support life.  I asked Rowan if there were any flowers there.  He accused me of not listening to a word he said.  Joey contended that the planet might, indeed, have flowers, but that we would need a closer inspection to determine that, and that the desert world didn't appear to be anything to be too excited about.  

Steve wanted to land.  Joey's decision was that we approach, then lay in an orbital course when we got close enough and spend some time analyzing the planet. I had a feeling that this world, as harsh as it seemed to be, would become a new home for humanity. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The children began taking an active role in our mission.  They helped me with adjusting and maintaining the Plants.  It began as a question of Vash's to me, when looking out over the command crew Coldsleep room.  He asked me why we didn't wake everyone up, complaining that the ship was too lonely.  There were children in some of the chambers – not only on the civilian ships, but in our ship as well, as some of the command crews had brought their children with them.  My poor boys…Vash and Knives had no children to play with besides each other.  

I decided that it was the right time to explain to the twins exactly what the SEEDS mission was all about.  Joey assisted me, and I sensed that it was as painful for him as it was for me to have to tell the children that the reason for us being out here in space was because we were destroying our own home planet.  I missed Earth, terribly.  When I signed on with SEEDS a lifetime ago, I did not believe that I would miss Earth at all, save for my family.  I had wanted to flee a world so full of misery.  I had carried the hope to create a world where none would ever die as a result of war like my Alex did, even now I carried the hope, but I had not realized how much I would miss looking at the sky through my bedroom window and seeing cerulean instead of black, of walking down a city street past shops and many people going about their lives, and of vast spaces, not artificial, but true, real.  

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I decided that the boys needed a haircut.  By this time, they resembled 10 year olds in nearly every way, except, with their hair, they resembled 10-year-old girls more than they did 10-year-old boys.  They were rivaling me in hair-length.  I feared that if we let it grow much longer, Vash and Knives would be tripping over their own locks.  

Vash insisted on going first, so I sat him down in a chair in the Recreation Room with a smock while Knives waited his turn nearby.  I clipped his long mane, watching the clumps of hair fall to the grass below.  I was no professional hairstylist, but I knew my way with a pair of scissors.  I snipped his hair up to chin length, then didn't know quite what to do with it.  I thought for a minute on a cut that would enhance his fine-featured face.  Then, a grand idea hit me.  I felt so silly doing this to him.  I had brought a little styling gel with me and slapped globs of it into Vash's hair to get it just right.  Finally pleased with the result, I handed him a mirror.  

"It's stickin' up!" he yelped.  

I thought it accentuated his features perfectly.  It was Alex's hairstyle, slightly modified.  Alex's hair had been shorter in relation to his head than Vash's currently was.  Vash smiled.  I told him that the style looked good on him, and – I told him of Alex.  Then Vash blurted out something that startled me.  The child always had ways of surprising me.   It made me smile, the innocence of his words.  

"If you're ever lonely, you always have me.  I won't leave you, because…because, I love you, Rem!" 

I turned around to tell Knives it was his turn, but he was missing.  Vash and I found him in one of the vacant quarters and he had taken a pair of scissors and cut his own hair.  I wondered why he had not waited for me, and his style didn't look entirely bad, and actually pretty good, considering that he had done it himself.  

That night, in the cafeteria, everyone commented on the boys' new looks.  I agreed with Rowan that Knives looked like a little philosopher.  The hair fit his personality.  Steve was acting up, however.  

I took offense when he called the boys monsters…he was trying to convince the crew to join him in his paranoia.  I grew tense, hoping another situation with him wouldn't arise.  I breathed a sigh of relief when he decided to leave the room, and remained disturbed and puzzled by Knives' words concerning him, that Steve was afraid of them.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The twins and I were taking a walk in the Recreation Room the next morning.  The fleet was nearing the enigmatic desert planet, and soon, we would be in orbit around it.  Vash saw a little butterfly caught in a spider's web.  

I had taught the twins about predation long ago.  It was a difficult lesson.  A few months ago, they had seen one of the stray cats in the Recreation Room with a dead mouse in its mouth.  There were more cats aboard the command ship than just Joey's pet – a few strays had gotten aboard before our liftoff from Earth and had lived and bred within the storage areas and the Recreation Room.  The old orange tabby tom ate the mouse in front of the boys while keeping itself a safe distance away from us – leaving me to explain why.  I had to tell them that cats were a race of creatures that needed to eat other creatures in order to survive, and that they couldn't help it.  I told them of the balance of nature, that without the cats, that the mice would breed too many numbers and destroy their food supply, and that without eating the mice, the cats themselves would starve.   Knives had asked what would happen if there became too many cats.  I told them that the cat population had ways of balancing itself out and that we had to respect all life, even the stray cats.  

Vash stared at the spider's web, his fingers carefully creeping towards the trapped butterfly.  He was trying to decide on the best way to free the tiny creature.  I watched him, thinking that what he was doing was so cute.  He knew that the spider would have to eat insects to survive, but he wanted to save this one butterfly.  Then, Knives came up beside him, I assumed to help.  

He swiftly grabbed the spider in his hand and crushed it.  I was appalled.  He was quick, precise, and cold.  He disregarded the right of the spider to live outright, and also the feelings of his brother, for he could clearly see what Vash was trying to do.  I confronted Knives about it, and he simply argued with me.  Vash threw him to the ground, yelling.   I broke the boys up and told them to stop fighting, and we took some time to calm down. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Something terrible happened.  It seemed the closer we got to a possible landing, the more tensions rose among the crew.  Now, Steve was in a straight jacket in a Coldsleep chamber with Rowan prepping the controls for a freeze.  

Mary testified that he had come into her quarters the night before and raped her.  It wasn't that I discounted her testimony, she was my friend and I tried my best to comfort her, but I felt, when I heard Steve screaming from the chamber, that we should listen to his testimony before outright freezing him!  I knew that Steve was capable of cruelty, especially when drunk, but I could not believe that he would go as far as rape.  I saw Rowan smiling as he sat at the computer panel, and I could not shake the feeling that something was wrong.  I pleaded for a something resembling a proper trail, but my voice went unheeded as Joey pronounced sentence and Rowan started the freeze.  

That evening, I mourned the crew's decision, and my powerlessness to stop it.  Vash was with me, and asked why people couldn't get along with each other.  I wondered the same thing, but shared my thoughts.  We walked down one of the corridors leading to our quarters and met up with Knives.  Then, we heard gunshots.  

They sounded like they had come from one of the ports, and I ran toward the sound, the boys following me, though I motioned for them to stay back.  I didn't want them hurt.  I pressed my communicator, but it shorted out, and I couldn't get any report to Joey.  I skidded to a stop in the doorway of  the port, to see, to my absolute horror, Rowan holding a pistol, firing bullets into the body of Mary, which was lying on the floor.  

I felt the pulsing of my veins in my head, and pleaded to Rowan to put the gun down.  He looked at me with desperate, wild eyes and spoke incoherently.  He told me that Mary had brought her death upon herself and that something inside of him was broken.  I felt hot tears stream down my cheeks.  I shook and managed to speak gently.  I don't know why I was so calm.  Perhaps, God was giving me an inner strength, a supernatural peace in order to do what needed to be done.  I wanted Rowan to put down his gun and to let Joey and me help him.  I did not care at that moment that he had committed murder, I just wanted to heal him.  I stepped towards him, and he pointed the gun at Knives.  

"It's his fault!  He's the reason Mary had to die!"  

"What are you talking about, Rowan?" I cried, standing between him and Knives.  I didn't understand.  I felt a sense of déjà vu, the memory coming to me of the day in the containment unit of Plant 1, when Vash and Knives were infants and I stood between them and the crew.  I was afraid, imagining the sensation of a bullet ripping through my heart, or worse, the sight of a bullet going through little Knives' head.   

I reached out to Rowan, offering to take his firearm from him.  "No one has the right to take the life of another," I said.  I stepped closer, and closer, my heart pounding, my hands open to receive the gun.  Rowan's brow was covered with sweat, and he begged me not to make him shoot me.  His eyes softened, and he was about to make a decision, he was about to hand me his gun when…

The airlock opened and Rowan, with Mary's corpse, was sucked through into the unforgiving cold of space.  I reached out to him, trying to grab his hand, screaming, leaning over the port guardrail, air rushing around me, feeling the breath being sucked from my lungs.  And, I failed to save him.  

After the airlock sealed, I managed to get Joey on my com unit.  I demanded an explanation from him.  I fell to my knees, crying into the communicator.  I could not believe it.  Why?  Rowan was about to hand me the gun, why?  

So suddenly…our crew reduced to two, and the twins.  Knives went to the bridge, telling me that he wanted to talk to Joey.  I sat down, and cried.  Vash tried to comfort me, bless his heart, and he cried with me.  

The next thing I knew, the Red Alert alarm sounded.  I rushed out into the corridor leading to the bridge and Knives met up with me.  Vash, Knives, and I ran to the nearest navigational display.  The fleet was headed on a collision course for the desert planet!  At the rate and trajectory, every ship in the fleet except for the Plant ships, would hit the outer atmosphere and explode upon impact.  

Knives told me that Rowan must have programmed this total annihilation in his homicidal/suicidal rage and that Joey had instructed us three to board one of the escape pods.  The three of us quickly suited up and headed for the Pod Bay.  

As I ushered the twins into one of the pods, I noticed Frankenstein the cat inside of it, curled up with an orange stray.  Strange, the little things one notices in high stress situations.  I stood at the pod's entranceway.  Vash cried for me to get in.  I stood there, thinking.  Joey knew the navigational computers well, but I thought of him trying to correct the fleet alone.  At the rate the command ship was going, if the rest of the fleet could be saved, the command ship would probably burn up.  The thought of leaving Joey to sacrifice himself made bile rise up in my throat.  And, I felt…that something was wrong.  

I did not want to leave Vash and Knives.  I pressed in a key code to the pod, and I knew that it would carry them to land safely on the planet.  They were smart.  I knew that they would find a way to survive, especially if Joey and I could save the fleet.  The boys would find survivors, and they would have the Plants.  If no one would accept them, I knew that they would have each other.  My mind turned to Knives… so reserved, so cold, even, of late.  Steve's words about the twins being our death echoed in my memory.  I felt a discord, a strange suspicion about Knives.  Could he?  I knew that Vash understood respect for life, and love.  I wanted more time to teach Knives love.  Knives had always taken care of Vash, acting like the older brother.  

Vash begged me again to get in the pod.  My own words about the purpose of Project SEEDS paraded through my brain.  In my mind, I saw the face of Alex.  I knew…I knew that if I stayed, it was certain death – the ship was going just too fast.  But…Alex… my warrior, my angel… he had given his life trying to save the lives of other people.  I knew that if he were in my position, that he would decide to stay and do all he could to make sure the mission survived.  

I pushed Vash inside the escape pod and told him not to worry.  I cried for my boys, and told Vash to take care of his brother.  Vash screamed my name as the door sealed shut and the pod jettisoned off.  I ran as fast as I could to the bridge.  

Joey…I saw Joey slumped over a computer console…blood…blood coming from his head, dripping off the monitor, his gun on the floor beside him.  No…this couldn't be happening!  Bone fragments…brain matter…on the monitor…Suicide?  Murder?  Bile rose up in my throat again. I swallowed it….no time to be sick…

It's strange the thoughts that go through the mind when one is facing death.  I'm here now, mind churning, remembering…as if I am talking to someone, telling a story for someone to hear, or to write down in a book.  _Rem Saverem: Her Life Story_, how strange… Dear God, are you listening?  Please!  Please let this work!  Ah…there…yes….yeeeeeees…that's it, that's it!  The reverse thrusters will engage in five minutes… No…too late for that ship…and that one…but the others…most of the fleet, yes…

 Yes, it's going to work!  They won't all crash!  I just hope the survivors and the Plants can make a way of life on that desolate sphere…and my twins… This ship…no, the way it is going… wait…It feels like it's slowing down, just a little bit.  Maybe, just maybe… there's a chance!  The ship might make it!  If I can get it to land, I can find my boys…that's the first thing I'm going to do…find Vash and Knives… if I make it.  Three more minutes and the thrusters will engage.  Yes…please… yes…  I might have a chance to surv- 

END.  

Lady Shadowcat, 2002


End file.
